Too specific?
This is why I shouldn't write for a newspaper.
The title would be like "that time you were meant to go out and then you didn't so you started to clean but you didn't do that either and then you went to eat icecream and then you couldn't because the kilojoule count was too high so instead you watched cartoons and napped and when you woke up at 6am you were wide awake and nobody was awake to talk to you so you just went on tumblr and looked at cats even though you're a dog person"
...the article would be about three words long.
The title was the bulk, I'd just use the newspaper to talk about my life.
Which is my favourite activity.
Self obsessed?
I am by no means self obsessed!
Back to the world that other humans inhabit I have created a better use of nipples.
Imagine utilizing that space for something other than creating annoying bumps in tops/dresses etc and for honking.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Nipples are all good.
But I'm all about the ideas.
Utilizing these things for the greater good. (The greater good).
I mean, I like nipples so much I learned how to create nipple tassles the other day at a hen's night [pasties].
Which is the original inspiration for my invention. "Nipple homing missles".
Now, these are to be used for two different hings...
1.) I have a massive problem losing all my shit, so they will help you find them, in this case, they do not damage the goods.
2.) Defending yourself against nibbly grabs (is that a thing?) or just. y'know. Douches.
Side note: I'm in a good mood, but I want to drink good. I'm listening to funkoars and talking shit to people and drinking the terrible goon that's been sitting in my drawer seems more temping than it should be. Nobody is really online that would tell me "don't do it, you fool" but perhaps we'll just not mention it.
Is a funkoars & goon night in when you're a tiny white girl in child care on a week night and you haven't just been dumped a thing?
It goddam should be.
THE END.
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