You know it!

You know that time when you go to get the adapter for your camera so you can upload photos to facebook so it looks like you have a life and don't just stare into the distance thinking of puns, blogging, yelling at video games & procrastinating every aspect of productive life?

Too specific?
This is why I shouldn't write for a newspaper.

The title would be like "that time you were meant to go out and then you didn't so you started to clean but you didn't do that either and then you went to eat icecream and then you couldn't because the kilojoule count was too high so instead you watched cartoons and napped and when you woke up at 6am you were wide awake and nobody was awake to talk to you so you just went on tumblr and looked at cats even though you're a dog person"

...the article would be about three words long.

The title was the bulk, I'd just use the newspaper to talk about my life.
Which is my favourite activity.

Self obsessed?
I am by no means self obsessed!

Okay okay.
Back to the world that other humans inhabit I have created a better use of nipples.
Imagine utilizing that space for something other than creating annoying bumps in tops/dresses etc and for honking.

I mean, don't get me wrong.
Nipples are all good.
But I'm all about the ideas.
Utilizing these things for the greater good. (The greater good).

I mean, I like nipples so much I learned how to create nipple tassles the other day at a hen's night [pasties].

Which is the original inspiration for my invention. "Nipple homing missles".
Now, these are to be used for two different hings...

1.) I have a massive problem losing all my shit, so they will help you find them, in this case, they do not damage the goods.

2.) Defending yourself against nibbly grabs (is that a thing?) or just. y'know. Douches.


Side note: I'm in a good mood, but I want to drink good. I'm listening to funkoars and talking shit to people and drinking the terrible goon that's been sitting in my drawer seems more temping than it should be. Nobody is really online that would tell me "don't do it, you fool" but perhaps we'll just not mention it.

Is a funkoars & goon night in when you're a tiny white girl in child care on a week night and you haven't just been dumped a thing?

It goddam should be.

THE END.

I like you so much better when you're not a douche

So at StoneDay I met the singer from The Grisworlds.
Nice guy, funny & approachable.

I had this weird moment where when I was watching him on stage I felt like. Hm. I feel like I'm going to meet him. Would I sleep with him? Is he too much older than me? Fuck that, he's from a band. But where would we go?

Yes. My brain managed to stress about an imaginary scenario that I created just from a "feeling" that I got when looking at them perform. We did end up meeting, because I was near the front of the stage and he was hovering there whilst someone else was performing and he was rad. However we did not have passionate sex that night (or any other night as far as I'm aware) and I will never know what our babies will look like.

I actually have been listening to their music so much more now because of this. By that of course I mean listening to two songs over and over again on youtube. I don't know if you can buy their CD. But also buying music is... foreign.

 Going to concerts is also foreign to me. Going out and seeing live music is exciting. It' like. Greater than youtube & winamp.

Reading Frankie magazine and listening to indie tunes, I feel a bit like perhaps this indie craze has not left me unaffected. Oh my!  I enjoy their wall planners that include two months too. It makes me realise how much I have on.
And now empty my Fridays are.

Work work work Tues-Fri.
But now I have Mondays off and I'm not particularly sure what to do with them.
Thus here we are!

Whatamidoingwithmylife.

OH GAWD.

I also had the pleasent experience of a hen's night.
SO much grog.
So much honesty of how we are terrible people.
But it's okay; we're all terrible.