Marry me, Daenerys!

DRACONOS!

Last night I had the strangest dream.
Pretty sure I was Daenyrs. Which is awesome. She's the best.
I had tiny dragons that landed on my fingers and I was wondering if I should get them a cage, but a bird cage seemed stupid and someone was trying to steal my dragons... a cage seemed cruel to my super awesome dragon friends.

I would possibly share her with Karl Drogo because he's pretty boss.
Maybe.

Anyway. Last night I had a 'bit' of wine at a friend's house & ate everything in sight.

Isn't it stupid how your life could be falling apart and you worry about eating too much because fuck knows nobody wants to be with the fat one.
Yea, yeah.
Body image positive BS.

Really, we should be worrying about our image, because even with all the media telling people to be super hawt we have people draining the health system because they like cake a bit too much.

So if everyone was super fine with their image and the media made it seem like it was okay? Lord only knows I'd survive on a diet of cheese cake and zambraros. (Even more so than normal).

It's not okay to be BIG.
You die, yo.
Ain't nobody got time for that!

I watch Game of Thrones and I think 'wow, she's super cool, I want dragons, but goddam she's hawt. I want to be like that'.

I've dyed my hair blonde (see: raped the shit out of it with bleach), and I still think, man I want to be able to pull off leather rags and still look that good!

Million dollar idea:
Can we make the sexy leather armour look come in?
Imagine it. All these sexy boys in clothes that SCREAM "I'll kill a bear for you so we can feast and then fuck until everything hurts"
Is this not desirable?
Hellz yeah it is.
And for you lads, does the idea of a rustic, raw, trend where the girls aren't dressed up like cakes and instead look like awesome warrior maidens?

That would be awesome.
I hope some awesome fashion designer is trolling blogs for ideas because god knows I do not know how to sew or even how to go about DRAWING a realistic design for this. I'll try though, guise. Don't you worry about that.

Babies are cute

Only not because they're dull.
I miss university week night drinking and having a lot of free time. All I want to do when I get home now is sleep. I am not even sure teaching is what I want to do now. The people around me are just... ergh. Working with all women. I literally work with chickens too. The metaphor there is just too obvious for me to say. We each take turns taking eggs home too. No doubt to feed our husbands and kidlets and go to bed at 8pm to our soap operas.
BLEK!

When did I become so fucking boring?

In the book I am reading about these intellectuals at university they are mocking their friend for his predictable life, with his plain wife who teaches elementary school and the sickening sight of his apron and the BBQ with all the children running around them.

I want a family but jesus christ. Everyone wants to feel unique. Do they not?
Am I destined to be some fuckstick like that? Boring as all hell.

Sickening.

I have been saying to myself that I will be the exception to the rule, the cool teacher that will be quirky and unique and won't be a boring old fart. But how long will that last. I get tired sooo freaking easily. Full time work is balls. How will that change as I age?

It scares me to be buckled into something but I lack the balls to go out and try new things.

I am a hypocrite in my own mind, it's not okay.

Mini Drunks

Babies are just mini drunks!
They really are. All that pooping and swaying, needing to be supported and giggling at the dumbest shit. They even throw up randomly & devour food whilst getting it everywhere. They don't like to be touched, or like to be touched by certain people and cry when they aren't. They need constant attention and attack/pull people on a whim.

 My first encounter with a baby one I didn't want to hold him. He was my nephew and I was worried that anything, well, any person could exist that was smaller than me. I didn't know how to deal with a person smaller than me and this led to me holding him as awkwardly as one would hold a bomb. Luckily for both me and those who have held bombs, he did not "go off" so to speak. This short encounter made me weary of babies and skeptical of any future encounters.

Link gets me.

*Enter job that falls into my lap in daycare*

Children are rad.
They are much smarter than people give them credit for and they enjoy me roaring like a dinosaur and generally acting like a fool.
They actually ask for me to do this rather than my friends insisting on me stopping. It's great.
Everything's great.

OH WAIT!
Now I'm in the baby room and babies are fucking boring. Have you ever tried to chase a baby whilst acting like a dinosaur? It either looks at you like your fucking retarded, walks away or cries. Babies cry a lot. I made one cry with a puppet. (By accident I swear). What a softie. I must admit I laughed. Does that make me a terrible person?

Okay okay.
I have learned that babies can be fun, but you have to make it so. I was making one dance to the song I made up "babies are just mini drunks". He seemed to enjoy it and it made ME laugh. Isn't that the main thing? Laughter? I like to think so, I just hope that child services and the parents agree, but that's a whole 'nother barrel of fish. But seriously. They giggle their asses off so I think we're sweet as.

I'm taking a break from uni and might be getting into teaching when I do go back. This whole experience has been eye opening.

"You could be potentially looking after and teaching MY children???!"

MUHAHAHAHAHA.

YES, THIS IS HAPPENING.

Watch out world, a whole new generation of awesome kidlets approaches.

They will say "pantaloons" and "rad" and "that's a real thigh slapper". Just to mention a few.