Monday, 30 July 2012

MFW

People ask me what I want to make me happy.




Hobbies and interests fade into the background as we become old and consumed by our own selfish lives. Oh yawnity yawn yawn. This is true, but who are the cool people that we want to be when we age? We want to be the ones who hang onto our youth, our hobbies, our interests.

We want to be people who care more about something, a passion, than some lame ass politics and paying the bills. How do people lose these things that make them young and happy? They get lazy. Laziness will be our downfall. Obesity is a problem because people could not be assed to do anything.

Eat what you want.
DO you what want.

But do SOMETHING, I know this, because I have been devoid of much to my life other than drinking and causing trouble for myself. Yes, this is a confession of sorts. I realised I may go out and drink more often than your average person.

Do I blame Australian culture?
Student culture?
OUR youth of today?
Fuuuck that.

I blame fear and laziness because I'm not going out there and doing something that makes me truly happy.

I want to learn parkour.
I want to get back into photography; and I took the first step today, I bought an SLR (with the money that I'm supposed to be spending on uni-related things) but hey, I bought my text books (all two of them) and I'm good to go!

I want to learn to draw cartoons.
Batman is amazing and I'd love to be able to create something like that!

I want to finish one of my stories. Create a new one? After finishing ONE!
Just one.
For once.

I can't access my computer to re-read the story The Pros and Cons of Killing Yourself that I had started to write and was quite enjoying due to my extremely depressing living arrangements. This is to say, I am living in a garage at my brother's house with my mother and a house full of belongings... all in this garage.

I am cramped to the extreme and pushed to feel bizarre, terrible things.
Like not awesome.
Quite... the opposite.

Due to recent developments with close friends being assholes, my destructive response to this, and terrible timing, I have been doing what I can to avoid being in that place despite a dwindling number of people I feel I can turn to. At this stage I am very appreciative of people who check up on me, ask if I'm okay, and those who are keeping me from sobbing quietly in the corner of a garage or running away and doing something stupid like drugs.

Yes, I'm opposed to drugs.
Yes, I drink too much.
Hypocrite?
Bite me.

I am excited for things to change, and knowing that it'll be two weeks until my mother and I are able to move into the new place and have some space again I'm both unbelievably tense and relieved.

The roller coaster continued today as my camera made me very excited, but my over all displeased look at how things are made it not the unbelievable experience it should have been. (Such as when I found out that I'm getting a signed photo of Adam West as blue batman).

Feeling so down the last thing you want to do is receive a message from a good friend. One of your best friends. Especially in a time when you feel like everyone around you either wants sex or someone to be around whilst they drown out their sorrows with alcohol... You don't want someone to message you saying they can't see you so much anymore.

It's too hard because they care too much and it's painful to watch.
Fucking feelings.
He likes her and she likes him and he likes ducks.
Nobody seems to 'win' with these things.

I have now seen The Dark Knight Rises twice.
It's amazing.

Some days you just don't know how to finish a blog;



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