Real life justifcation

Once upon a time,

I woke up at a ridiculously early (see: reasonable) hour to go to an appointment with people to get my life sorted and stuff. It was good. I then went home and napped for four hours. That was much better. I was then woken up by my phone about people wanting me to work. That was both good and bad.

Shit, bruh, I should write more stuff.

I really should start blogging again regularly, I've forgotten how to use this site and the greater concern is I've forgotten how to write. I like to think once I had talent. Now my ironic use of chatspeak and bad grammer along with the occasional hashtag with snapchat and instagram I feel I am gradually being ruined.

WUT
WUT
WUT

Okay calm down, I'm going to be okay. I am adult. I am sorting stuff out and starting on Monday I am beginning a:
-No facebook
-Exercise for at least 30mins a day
-Journal or write every night 

But don't be scared my friends,
I will survive; I have to.
I just tried to spell 'survive' with an 'e' so I have to do this.
For the sake of my intergrity.
FOR ASGARD!

Aw man, I'll have to uninstall facebook from my phone and everything.
This is good, this entry has made me realise how terrible my spelling, grammar and writing ability has gotten without use.

Wish me luck.

Oh wait, does this count as journalling/writing?

Also, it's only Tuesday, what if I get bored and write before then on here?

Well shit.

Don't wish me luck TOO prematurely.


Peace, we out.
I have Skyrim to play :).

Marry me, Daenerys!

DRACONOS!

Last night I had the strangest dream.
Pretty sure I was Daenyrs. Which is awesome. She's the best.
I had tiny dragons that landed on my fingers and I was wondering if I should get them a cage, but a bird cage seemed stupid and someone was trying to steal my dragons... a cage seemed cruel to my super awesome dragon friends.

I would possibly share her with Karl Drogo because he's pretty boss.
Maybe.

Anyway. Last night I had a 'bit' of wine at a friend's house & ate everything in sight.

Isn't it stupid how your life could be falling apart and you worry about eating too much because fuck knows nobody wants to be with the fat one.
Yea, yeah.
Body image positive BS.

Really, we should be worrying about our image, because even with all the media telling people to be super hawt we have people draining the health system because they like cake a bit too much.

So if everyone was super fine with their image and the media made it seem like it was okay? Lord only knows I'd survive on a diet of cheese cake and zambraros. (Even more so than normal).

It's not okay to be BIG.
You die, yo.
Ain't nobody got time for that!

I watch Game of Thrones and I think 'wow, she's super cool, I want dragons, but goddam she's hawt. I want to be like that'.

I've dyed my hair blonde (see: raped the shit out of it with bleach), and I still think, man I want to be able to pull off leather rags and still look that good!

Million dollar idea:
Can we make the sexy leather armour look come in?
Imagine it. All these sexy boys in clothes that SCREAM "I'll kill a bear for you so we can feast and then fuck until everything hurts"
Is this not desirable?
Hellz yeah it is.
And for you lads, does the idea of a rustic, raw, trend where the girls aren't dressed up like cakes and instead look like awesome warrior maidens?

That would be awesome.
I hope some awesome fashion designer is trolling blogs for ideas because god knows I do not know how to sew or even how to go about DRAWING a realistic design for this. I'll try though, guise. Don't you worry about that.

Twirling, twirling, twirling

Are you alright?

Why yes, I should say, I was alright. But then you asked me, and I thought maybe I'm not alright.

That's strange. 

What's strange is my inability to pinpoint what it is that is exactly... not alright about me.

You're just being silly. You're over-thinking things. 

Perhaps, quite. Quite silly. Doesn't change the fact.

What fact?

I don't know.

You've lost me.

I'm lost too. But I feel sick.

You're making yourself feel that way. Just stop.

How?

Just do it.

I don't know how.

Calm down!

I am calm, but not really. I feel a bit lost.

Everything's okay.

Is it?

Well, I'm sure there are some things that are a bit in the open. But that's okay, isn't it?

I'm not sure. It makes me uneasy.

You don't want to be boring, do you?

No, I want excitement.

This is exciting.

What is?

The unknown.          

Moving out & dodgy cunts

So welcome to the mansion...

I've moved into a house that has character.
This particular character is riddled with parasites and is someone you would avoid outside of the bar, but perhaps be good friends with on a particularly drunken night.

Character.

I am not a particularly anal person when it comes to cleaning and such. I just like to know that I use the toilet I wont catch several STDs. I'm a bitch like that.

It is quite the party house, except at the same time if you have people over the thing they all say is "the house has a lot of potential". That is the exact same sentiment we had when we moved in. Only the cracked window and stuff from the previous tenants is more of an inconvenience than we had previously thought.

As is the legion of possums outside which have fed on the mysterious collection of plants and become enraged super possums.

....Not really. That'd be pretty cool though.
They're just normal possums. They poop and make a fucked up noise.

Speaking of fucked up noises, there was a loud noise downstairs and the housemates and I armed ourselves and went downstairs to face the attacker. They grabbed swords from their rooms and I didn't want to be unarmed so I grabbed the quickest, most weapon-like thing I could find. In heinsight I could have looked for 30secs more and grabbed my pocket knife.

But that wouldn't have been nearly as awesome as...

Mr. Planky was out for blood!
I like to think people think I would draw on it before marching downstairs into battle!
However, that was a previous drunken antics (#sharehouse lyff)

So we get down there and search around and figure out it's probably nothing/a possum(blood possum/blossum)/wind/etc... we return upstairs VICTORIOUS!

I just imagine if we were in a video game that I would be the joke character that you chose because you liked the outfit or they said funny catch phrases. Or you got an achievement if you complete the game using JUST Mr. Planky.

Yeppers. This is how my brain works.

I'm lovely

So...

People are stupid.
But this is not news to anyone.

At work the other day I wanted to read finishing my book, "the secret history" but my co-worker insisted on watching videos narrated by the most annoying voice on the planet. Having said this, you have to take into account that I have seen Japan-orama. Great show, except I have very limited patience for lisps.

This guy didn't have a lisp. He was just stupid. Talking about shit I don't care about. The history of pac man. Jesus christ even if the guy narrating this was Chris Hemsworth or Justin Timberlake or even Brad Pitt (I enjoyed a documentary about the third world struggle because of Brad's sexy voice. Yes. Enjoyed. Watching them... dem kidz.)

So I left and sat outside in the shade, it was a nice day. Sunny, with a nice breeze.

Then BAM! Tradies. I overheard more than I would care to mention. Although more than once were profanities used. Outside a childcare centre. How uncooth. What cunts.

At the time I had such a feeling of anger and superiority that I just wanted to walk away and sit feeling happy in my own little pretentious world. But I sat there and managed to be abosrbed into the world of the book and then only return again when my cravings for caffiene set in...

Now, being shallow does have its' perks. Because you are able to look past things like personality and just appreciate the art. The Beauty of people. However, they didn't even have that.

Ehem, so I guess what I'm trying to say is...

If you're not pretty, and you have a shit personality, and a shit voice. Don't be near me, don't let me hear you, see you, smell you. Nobody wants your shit.

Rawrrrr! I'm a dinosaur! (Also, I'm going to move out, yo)

And they will laugh (ahahahahahahahgahaahaha)

Sooo...
I bought a dinosaur muffin tray. No big deal. Are you kidding me? That shit cray.
It's the first purchase towards my "throwing myself in the deep end adventure extravanganza!"
Which is what I'm going to call it now. Or. Like. TMITDEAE... how aboubt DEAE.
Deep End Extravanganza REPRESENT!

Oh lordy loo am I white.

NOW!
This is going to be oh so terrifying.

No more NBN.
Having to work otherwise having to move out.
Perhaps not being able to take Harley with me?
Bills.
Food.
Looking after myself!!
What is the world coming too...

I suppose, these things have to happen. & maybe I'll learn a lot.

Take a risk once in a while, christ! What do you want from me.
I'm a mother fuckin' baller.

I found a book today in ...the book store. That was called "surviving the streets". There was a page on the DJ scene, asbestos... you know. The usshh when you're in 'da hood'. As I assume I will be. This book was great. Colourful. Scary people of all different sizes, shapes, colours.

PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO MIDDLE CLASS SUBURBUN LIFE!
It's scary out here!

Although, truth be told the book would have been amusing and a good read potentially. But no way in hell was I paying $50 for that piece of crap. I can only hope that some 90 billion year old buys that for their pregnant teenage grandaughter to tell her she's kicked out. Oh, haha. What a laugh that would be.
What a waste of your pension, grandma Jill!

Just a short one to put that out there.
More on DEAE soon, puppet!

Staying home to play WoW instead of a 21st

AND I CAN'T FUCKING LOGIN BECAUSE OF AUTHENTICATING!

Okay okay.
Now, this is actually my main problem, not the fact that I am being totally lame and staying home rather than going to a 21st for 3 different people.

But it's okay because I only know one of them.

&& I'm really hungover.
Antibiotics, tequila and vodka are a dangerous combination.
Who knew?

Aaaaand... it's still authenticating.

In the mean time here's a joke.

Why'd the mexican push his wife off a cliff?
TEQUILA!

Hahahahaha!
I so funneh.
But not really because I saw it online and I laughed super hard.

So you know what really rustles my jimmies?
My brother talking about "all the women I've dated" when he has no experience, trying to tell me shit.
People who don't like mushrooms. They're great!
Vegetarians.
Hangovers.
Buses.
Wiggas.
Living at home.
& other things but my creativity is NOT with me right now.

I saw paranormal activity 4 the other day.
It's funny because all those movies have different directors and they're all terrible. This one was exceptionally boring. The soundtrack. Those ominous tones? Yeah, they're onto a winner for sure.

It reminded me of my ex though. Considering we went to see the third one for our first date. He's gone all strange though and told me how he was super pissed at me because I'm a horrible person even though he's a massive douchebag. HarleyQuinn and I know how to pick 'em. But I mean at least the Joker plays with her and does it with a smile not that... you know that expression people who think they're cool have all the time because smiling is too... I dunno... normal? And this weird strut thing. Not attractive. You can't walk next to that. It's like they don't quite know how to walk and they're constantly dizzy or something so they have to keep re-adjusting so they don't fall off the planet.

Arrrgh! I've been disconnected again.

I also dislike people who freak out when they're licked by a dog. Get over yourselves you prissy bitches, he's giving you a kiss.
I don't like full cream milk and/or people asking me if I reaaaally need skim milk. Nah, I was asking for shits and giggles.

you know what's super cool though?
STRINGERS!

You must admit you loved them in Primary school.
They're super cool.
Watching all the babies eat them I've gotten really excited.
They also make me want yoghurt. Babies love that shit.
They make it look so tasty.
In fact, I would totally eat a yoghurt marinated baby.

Mmmmm... steak.

I googled cooking a baby and this came up:

This video is not funny, and the filming and everything is just ...awful.
But the thing that made me laugh (and therefore everyone else will) is one of the comments:
"why would people have a baby then cook it if you dont want a baby then dont have one".
This comment is brought to you by cheyanne randall 
My, my Cheyanne, will somebody PLEASE think of the children!